the fourth trimester

they say that the first three months of your newborn's life are considered the fourth trimester. i can't believe eric and i survived it.

i seriously was scared leaving the hospital that drizzly cold tuesday afternoon. i felt that if i stepped out of the hospital, that was it...it's time for the real world. i could no longer bring aidan back to the nursery. driving home with the little man strapped in his carseat sucking mama's pinkie was surreal.

it was a blur of activities after that. i remember there were a lot of activities and gatherings going on. there was the baptism that we had to plan. and then there's the getting used to not having mama around since she was due to leave for manila soon.

to say that the two weeks after mama left was crazy is an understatement. i didn't know what to do. i didn't know how to eat, let alone go to the toilet with a baby cradled in my arms who wouldn't let me put him down (sometimes i don't get to brush my teeth at all until eric comes home in the afternoon!). the lowest point of my day would be when eric had to leave for work since that means i'm left alone to take care of aidan. i'd constantly check the clock how much longer till he gets home. there was this one day i remember that i was holding aidan from the time eric left till he came home, kulang na lang ihagis ko si aidan sa kanya when he stepped inside the house. i'd call him frantically throughout the day because our baby just kept on crying and crying and my nipples hurt already from all the sucking he was doing all throughout the day. i felt like it was going to fall off soon! i dreaded going out because we just can't seem to console aidan not to mention the crying and screaming fits he would throw while in the car. there were times that i would just cry whenever he's crying because there's nothing else that i could do. no one told me it's going to be this hard. i'd look back and miss my old life so much, where there was order...where i was in control of things.

but you know what, the hard part eventually passed. he was sleeping and feeding better once we got him in a routine. he started to interact, smiling and making sounds at us. we moved him to his own cot and we got our bed back. funny though since eric and i actually miss him sleeping beside us! he started feeding properly and stopped snacking. he was feeding every two hours and then eventually every three hours, no more comfort sucking which gave my breasts a much needed rest. he finally took the dummy, so he can suck on that as much as he wants. he eventually got used to his carseat and we can now leave the house without the fear of him screaming his head off. he now loves his carseat so much that we haven't even reached the end of our street and he's already dozing off. we were able to go out and about with him in his carrier saving our arms. we would even go to the shops, just the two of us! he learned how to drink expressed breastmilk from the bottle which allowed us to leave him with cousins while we watched phantom of the opera (our first date after giving birth! it was hard leaving him though...). i could leave him in his playcot now so i can eat and attend to some stuff and he'll happily play by himself.

mother's group helped a lot. i met other new moms who were going through the exact same thing as i was. after mother's group, we would head off the local cafe and just sit there and talk. by the time we get home, eric would be home in just a couple of hours!

sure, we still have not-so-good days (according to mama there is no such thing as a bad day) but it's now outweighed by the good days.

i'm amazed at what i can accomplish now. i've learned a lot of new skills i never thought i could and would do. i never considered myself as a patient person but aidan sure taught me and is continually teaching me to be one! it helps that i have a very loving and supportive husband who turned out to be a wonderful father who takes over looking after aidan when he comes home and even in the middle of the night! one who would always remind me before he leaves for work that i don't have to do anything except to look after our little man.

what a roller coaster ride it has been (i'm afraid of roller coasters by the way)!

now i look back and couldn't imagine life without aidan.